"It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." I'm not sure who that quote is credited to. But I’ve heard it before, from different individuals and at different, very distinct, times in my life. Some of those times, I thought I understood. Some of those times, I had no interest in understanding. But most recently, I completely absorbed the notion.

During my girlfriend's visit to LA (her very first time), her dog passed away in my house. The dog was not just a pet to her; she was a daughter, a sister, a best friend. And she died on the floor of my bedroom. Excuse my language, but that’s pretty traumatic shit. There was a long day of mourning before her return to Portland, and it is still hard to think about. Days later, my uncle passed. My mother’s sister’s husband was one of the kindest, friendliest, most generous humans I’ve known, and he left this life (as we know it) sooner than any of us would have hoped. Both of my roommates, although not blood-related, had very close relationships with my Uncle Russ, and so we all shared sorrow in his passing. Between friends (in my roommates) and family (mine is huge), there was much grief to have lost such a magnificent soul.

These two losses happened within four days. Granted, my Friday and Saturday in the meantime were pleasant, there was a short period of emotional flux that I don’t think I’d experienced at any point in the past. The loss of the little pup, followed by the departure of my girlfriend, then being at the Transworld Skateboarding Awards, and then a relaxing Saturday. An especially fun time skating (after not having skated in over a week), a chill night bonding with the roommate, and then waking up to the second round of bad news. That was my weekend. 

And it got me thinking (obviously)...

Loss is something that everyone will have to deal with at some point, whether a pet, parent, or close friend. These vary dramatically in severity/gravity, but it’s important to recognize that anything or anyone in one’s life is part of one's life temporarily. This is not to say that you should see your parents as temporary objects in your life. But it IS to say that you should appreciate them as if they were. Every person goes away. They die. You die. I die. Those before you and those after us, all die. No matter how expected a death is, it will happen. Yet more often than we’d like, we lose people, things, and places in time, unexpectedly. 

Everything is temporary, and actual death is an unpleasant reminder of exactly that. Yet, with maturity and time, we realize that with death comes birth. As things depart, others arrive. Even if only a falling out with a friend, there are always new friends to be made. That is not the goal, but it is the inevitable truth. Living in the moment can help one appreciate the time in which we do have a certain person, place or thing and enable us to move forward knowing that we fully appreciated and experienced time with it/him/her. It is only when we feel as if there was something, somewhere, or someone we didn’t get to that the disturbing feeling of regret becomes real. 

Leave no word unsaid, action untaken, no “stone unturned,” and you will find that there is no regret, no longing, no debilitating grieving. This is not to say that I don't feel regret and deep grief for some of these reasons. I do. Most of us do. But I stand by the observation. 

We all need to flow with time, and not fight it. There is not enough of that time in our lives to regret so much. But there is just enough time to use how we see fit to use it. Let’s say you can expect eighty five years of human life (and many live longer).

Live like tomorrow (our future) you die, like today (our present) is beautiful, and like yesterday (our past) was everything it could have been. Loss is inevitable, and it is quite unhealthy to avoid or ignore something so definite. But designing a dream we’re capable of living NOW is a choice. Take the choice, knowing how it may bring more loss to your life.

There is far too much positive in this world to let loss blanket the positive. 

Take risks in loving, exploring, experiencing, and attempting; and losing someone, someplace, something will never be quite so bad. 

You might crash, but you won’t burn unless you left too much gas in the tank. 

Cheers to life,

 - 7Ply Epic

Every now and again, we’ll find a new thing. An incredible new thing in our lives that fits and betters our experience as human. Like a cheat code in a video game. I unlocked my next game of life cheat recently, and it’s a really simple one. Every day, unless I cannot for a very good reason, I watch the sunset. I simply sit there, after I record my one SnapChat and single photo, and be peaceful while glaring deeply into the setting sun. 

I realize that I’m lucky, now living in a place where the sunset is usually visible and the temperature usually comfortable. But the act itself of committing to walking and sitting. Sitting still. Each day. It’s been the habit that’s positive and wanted in my life. 

Experiencing the value of the routine is empowering and soothing. Many of us are turned off of the idea, perhaps having been overwhelmed by experiences with routines in large institutional settings that lacked meaning or personality. The word "routine" can be associated with boring actions. But, in all actuality, the routine (your routine) can be one of the more meaningful things in (your) life. 

The key to designing meaningful routines is to make them important to your true self. What do you genuinely enjoy? Whatever your answer was should be something you also do as often as possible and consistently. For each time you revisit the action, your brain experiences a grounding happiness that triggers positive thoughts, will calm the mind and make way for clearer thoughts later on. 

Skateboarding has been a routine of mine for quite a while. And now that I have enough freedom of time, I created another routine, that I not only look forward to but grow from. It’s not as important that any routine is perfectly designed, especially from the outset. It’s definitely more crucial that there is a routine at all. Over time, you naturally observe what works. And what doesn’t... Experimenting is rad.

So when it is time to leave the house each day and seek the setting sun, I walk through the neighborhood. I weave my way into the campus (of Occidental College), up the meandering hills, past the fresh grass of the perfectly maintained sports fields, onto the dirt trail, and along the winding footpath to the top of the hill. 

The sunset for me each day is accompanied by peace, nature, and the new buddies. There’s a small community of people that frequent this specific hill top and provide great conversation & uplifting vibes always. The walk, followed by the sunset, followed by the comradery and tranquility there all contribute to this lovely routine that I’ve luckily fallen into. 

If you’re feeling bummed on the routine that you’ve fallen into, it’s the wrong routine. Find one that you can proudly call your ritual, and your life will be much happier for it. 

 - 7Ply Epic

On my recent “vacation” to North Carolina, I skated at the Skate Barn twice. Each time, it was with Pat Bedsole, the good homie from Hoggard High. As much as the Barn has changed (for the better), it’s remained real, and the energy around that place has always stayed at a certain level of hype. There is a new generation of kids that I don’t always recognize, but they absolutely rip so it’s yet still inspiring. 

The Barn itself is unlike anything a lot of people have seen. It is literally an old barn in Hampstead, NC, a 30-minute drive from my mom’s place in Wilmington. Among the trees in the country of North Carolina, tucked back within a small grove. With a gravel path leading to a dirt lot, bordered by a head-high halfpipe constructed carefully of wood and metal. There are indoor and outdoor sections. The barn was used to house old stock cars in the late 80s before it was left empty. That’s when Jimmy, the current owner, was given the blessing from his dad, then-owner, to build skateboarding ramps inside. The ramps were previously in Carolina Beach at a skatepark that exists there before I was born. And the Skate Barn exists still, in the sticks of North Carolina. 

The Barn has shown to be a proving ground for young talent coming out of southeastern North Carolina for decades now. The progression of skaters that regularly session at the park is tangible. There is always a new kid, or a group of new kids, that push the envelope, amongst themselves and within skateboarding at large.

My most recent time spent skating there was on the day of Lemmy (of Motorhead)’s death. Motorhead has had a real influence within skateboarding for years, and has been responsible for the soundtracks of many influential skate video parts over those years. Although I’m not the most hardcore Motorhead fan, that music blasting from the old speakers at the Barn sparked a certain fire in my skating, and everyone else’s, that made me excited about skateboarding (yet again). 

One of the aspects of skateboarding that is so hard to explain to outsiders is the energy that it can provide within a group, despite its lack of a team dynamic. There’s something special that a group can share that goes beyond external gratification: the word “vibe” doesn’t quite nail it. The shared passion for skateboarding shines strongly amongst a faction of skaters. It seems “emo” to even try and explain it, but I think it’s worth a shot. 

The moral of the story: The RIP Lemmy session got me into one of those sessions; one that got everyone going as hard as they could. It wasn’t about what you could do, but rather that you could do it, even if you haven’t done it in a long while. It boosted the ability to try, and it reminded me how skateboarding hooked me from the very beginning. Getting older, it’s easy to justify “taking it easy” on most days, yet it’s days like those that get the fire burning under our asses once more. 

Cheers to skateboarding, and cheers to Patrick and Nathan for being there that day. Cheers to the Skate Barn. Cheers to North Carolina skateboarding!

Stay tuned for more tales of the recent NC visit!

 - 7Ply Epic